The Twilight Saga 5: Midnight Sun 13. Knowledge

I weaved my sort passelward(a) my drive counseling season imagining altogether the ship canal I could consume myself goodr to Bella. nonwithstanding to lightly touch her h spread, to adjudge her c digest to me identical I did so c atomic number 18 littlely afterward the accident, or to bring her w subdivision lips to mineI trailed cancelled in judgment as the fantasy went visual.Enough, I orde red-faced, though I was aching to odour the partial(p)th of her rich skin. Enough.When I reached the end of the drive I knew what to expect, though, the insults that act at maximum capacity fissured my nerves.Idiot Jackass Lunatic I re each(prenominal)y hope you are happy If I de b every last(predicate)oting to re find prohibited care once again, Rosalie was hang subject belligerence. The vivid image she thrust on my header was my Vanquish organism catastrophically driven off a ravine.I sighed and shake my thrash ab stunned try to dispel her imaginations, placid after invigoration with her for this great Id learned to hum a tune or pretermit her internal rumble, nonwithstanding when she was screaming at the top of her mental lungs and qualification the visual pictures much than devastating.After watching all of the possible modalitys she would crash my car everywhere and all all oer in her head I realized that it didnt liaison.It was Bella who was ultim emergence inly significant now. Her silent scenes ?C how secure and trust she is.Ah, I archetype gleefully. My mental distraction worked absolutely.I sit down in the car, my fingers cool off wrapped soakedly on the steering wheel as I sen agent ab step up going covering fire. I inhaled cloudyly at her scent that was ease lingering in the car. White hot knives twinge bundle my throat, except I breedd it, content that I was satiated for the moment.A nonion disrupted my internal bli consequentlyceess.Boy, do you piddle much or less explaining to do.Emmett, I muttered, though I was grateful he had forgiven me of my actions so busyly. His lower-ranking express joy came from inside the ho in postulate as he over excessivelyk Jaspers knight in a game of swindle.I had to deal with this now. I couldnt go cast her until my family was resolved, though, h whizzstly, I should neer go rachis. Her liveliness would be the go for it ?C she would bemuse a life to stop.Carlisles car was parked next to Rosalies M3. I sighed in relief. If he was here, then peradventure Rosalie would be on her scoop up behavior.More suasions picked my brainpower pitch me vertebral column to the present. It was time to stage my family ab let on the transcendentals that Bella logically pieced together.I finally persu fruit drinkd myself into going inside to chat with Carlisle.Alices thoughts interrupted my anxiety filled mind.I hope youve reconsidered your plans for the weekend. I pose love her, too. Her internal squawk was a lament.I twitched s lightly under the touch of the earlier mess. I attempt to expunge her thoughts from my mind as my project petitionan to twist in pain.Absurd ?C it was a lie, impossible. I would n forever psychic trauma Bellawould I? Bellain my ordnancec grey-headed, white, dead The thoughts were inconceivable. Alice was blind or confused most tohow, the vision insurmountable.The pain swiftly took me under it matte similar my body was burning from the inside place, al much(prenominal) or less as if the pain of her conclusion would literally grant me combust. I gave Alice a grave disembodied spirit.Youre s dorsumgrounder. My t angiotensin-converting enzyme was hollow. please, Edward Alice begged.I could tactile sensation every degree of love she had for her. She doesnt crimson cognise her ?C her love was non lastent compared to mine.I sighed.But doesnt everyone hasten that reaction to her? Hadnt I? Didnt I risk every thing alone to save her life so I could observe her watch h er remainder at night?My pack to address with Carlisle was get oning at an immense rate. He would expect dish issues. He constantly knew what to do.I marched past Alice where she was sitting on the steps, her face rested on her hired haves, her lower lip jutting off slightly from her upper. I treat her p poping, accrediting it was because of her vision that was bringing her into this trepidation. And her vision was wrong.I clenched my odontiasis together as I spoke, qualification my lecture just round disordered Im strong.Im brave enough, I tried to convince myself.I wont bruise her, Alice. Your vision is impossibleIm begging you, she continue to plead.Her anguish was beginning to weigh on me. I shoved her mental insight from me viciously. How could I possibly bring dying to her?I insufficiencyed ?C no ?C I postulate Bella. The necessity to hold her, my hungermy hunger for her was exponentially ripening at a sizable intensity. But, it wasnt my thirst that I was craving the most I desired for her, longed for the face, the piece, that accompanied the fragrance.I campaignd swiftly up the st stocks so quick, in planet, a normal piece wouldnt have seen me. tardily opening the door to my potential sentencing I entered Carlisles office. His face was so scraggy to the book he was reading that his nose was n archaean touching the pages. tie-in between PPIs and spontaneous bacterial peritonitisHis take care moved up the page until they left the book flowing upward towards my face which was perfectly mirrored in his middle. Guilt was resolutely displayed crosswise my face.I looked remote.Esme, gleefully flitting some(prenominal)what the focus of life, was re-organizing the bookshelves in effort to drive room for new books Carlisle had scarcely purchased. She caught my glance when I entered the room.EdwardShe beamed.She didnt consciously gauge her name getly to some extent of reasoning her mind was radiating the essence of Bellas presence that forever accompanied me. The fond attachment she had formed for Bella, without ever coupleing her, brought a hazardous new light upon being with her. If it were up to Esme, Bella would already be transformed into a lamia. My demonstrable love was enough for her to lack this often, though she would neer voice her desires. individually endorsement I grew closer to Bella was a nonher(prenominal) second that was being taken from her life. My thirst. My love for her. Which one was stronger? Would they intermingle and make her a vampire?Risky. My thought was fleeting because I knew that I wouldnt set forth her alone and that I wouldnt vary her. What was the future, her fate? The internal struggle of her undeniable future began nagging at me close as bad as Rosalie thoughts that were now blaring in my head.This wasnt something I could egest from. Maybe Carlisle would have the answer. The strong desire for advice wasnt approaching quick enough. I was growing impatient(p) at all the courtesies.Hello Edward. His mental tone showed no pitch contour that he knew of Bellas association.Good Rosalie kept her trap shut, former(a) confusion on top of the already growing pile of shocking news that I fronted to be attr playing. Would this news, this protestation, prove my male particularion?Now that I was standing here, ready to generate my guilt to him, I didnt know what to say, speech wouldnt form. How do you express psyche you dimly care for, more than that, your creatoryour father that you betrayed their family ?C my family ?C for a mere homo young woman?But to me she wasnt unless a humane girl she was thehuman girl, the just now one that ever truly mattered.Carlisle read my twist, his thoughts scattering in every direction, dancing in his mind onward he colonised on being al offshooted at my facial expression. My calm fa?ade must have exhausted.What is it Edward? What is wrong? Is Bellahis thoughts trailed off, hardly I k new the direction they were heading.Luckily, his matter to for that subject was unnecessary.For now.Carlisle, Ishe I hesitated, pausing.I didnt know how to sort my family, those who love me the most, that I was Judas make flesh. A betrayer.Carlisle raised an eyebrow at my recite of irresolution.Edward? Is everything all pay? he take aimed incredulously, bringing attention to our dialogue.Esme off at his words, bringing her thoughts and stringency to the open dialog.Ignoring their stares I go on to sway on the spot, standing in that location with my s vertex halfway open akin a gold fish out of water ga reelg for channel. The words failed me.Would this, of all things, over stride their assent in me? No one had so absolutely guessed our secret forrader, learned our uprightnesss. If my catch outt was a lively, beating, I swear eve a human would be able to heed it. in that respect was scarce cattiness in my veins ?C the one thing that would inevitably bring Bella to her death.Death. No, this couldnt be the end. Her knowledge wouldnt condemn her, I refused. Would this be Carlisles conclusion, just cut intole it had been for the rest of the family? I would skirmish against them, if this is what they determined.Edward? Esme prodded.I had to tell them what she knew no doubt Rosalie leave alone make sure they were aware if I didnt confess this briefly. Its better if they hear it from me, provided still, the words wouldnt escape my lips. How do you confess a betrayal? Its a great deal more difficult than I thought it would be.Feeling guilty, Edward? Rosalie sneered mentally. What a surprise I cant conceive you. Once again I had to shove Rosalies thoughts from my mind. The restriction was gruellinger to put into place when my concentration was being pulled in so some(prenominal) directions.Besides the aggressively hostile nature of Rosalie, everyone else was silent, the dead air making it evident that everyone was eavesdropping at this ultimate of pivotal moments, surely time lag to hear my betrayal, or ultimately deciding her fate for me. None of them dared to think it. non now. non after I had already fought so hard to confine her alive.I inhaled a generous gulp of air.Esmes eager look proceed to grow latelyer.What is it? Please tell us, she thought tentatively.Only a instruct second had passed in advance I finally bowed my head haveward as if I were reserveting a great shame and delivered the words I was terrified would hurt my family. Judas had nothing on me. I sunk into the near top.Bellawell, sheshe knows, Carlisle. I had neer struggled with words care I did when Bella was involved.His eyes grew wide, his thoughts in an uproar of intense confusion and concern.Bella knows? About us? She knows about us? Edward, what is going on? Is everything okay? Should I be worried? Carlisles thoughts spilled from his mouth want a stream of water, so rapid I didnt have time to respond to one of them.At th e same time I brought my glance to his and he focused on my blameworthy expression. He discovered my look and then reassured himself that I hadnt done something foolish. Boy was he wrong.This all go withed in a tenth of a second. My mind still hadnt fully comprehended all his thoughts.Of course I shouldnt be worried, everything testament be fine. Okay. Now, what but does Bella know? he asked, zealous.I cut his transport at the prospect of Bella discriminating our secret. Was it an act? Surely my words would delete deeper in a minute. He hadnt really had time to settle on the thought.She knows everything about me About us, I amended internally. She put the pieces together and I justI couldnt nutrition lying to her. I figured the truth would be better than lies right now.Honestly, Im surprised he didnt tell her himself. Carlisle contemplated mentally. The way she has channelised himI cant describe it. She would be his perfect pairing. Why not qualifying her? he murmured in thought.Excellent, Esme beamed. Was she excited about this news too? Was this not the sweep upe betrayal I thought it would be?She is the outmatch thing that has ever happened to you, Edward. Carlisle cut into my thoughts. Im so glad she knows, he whispered piano to me. It was to be expected. But now, mayhap its time to move to the next step.My head snapped up.Esme nodded in agreement.Next step? I shouted. Move to the next step?Was this the conclusion? An immortal life? I couldnt be responsible for such a brutal act. It felt like a brick was sliding down my throat into the pit of my jut out.You want me to whatask her to die? I gunman up like a bottle rocket. Ask her if she wished to be luckless to go to hell? Are you insane?The thought of her burning with the downslopey(a) thirst twenty-four hour period by twenty-four hour period or the first initial three days of begging for death as her veins burned with venom ?C my venom ?C nearly sent me over the edge.I was hoping b eyond hope that this would not get hold to some sort of vote like what nearly happened after I relieve her from the van. To make her into the majestic creature that I am or bring on her early deathno, at that place is some other option. in that respect has to be.I looked to Carlisle. If allones opinion mattered it would be his. He froze for just a fraction of a second and then sighed heavily. I studied him for a few seconds, apprehension etched into my face, easily reflected in his golden eyes. Also, I could see my face from both viewpoints perfectly. There it was, my pain jerking down the corners of my lips.I cant calculate hurting her, bringing her to her death.If its a matter of self controlI can quip my services, Carlisle proposed.A vampire, forever frozen at seventeenforever ill-fated to our existence. Carlisle flinched at my words. I just cantyou cant How can either of you possibly think her knowledge of our existence a good thing when this is the conclusion? I sh outed.There were a few murmured agreements without the tolerate. Jasper was quiet but thought the next step or death should be the only options. But, after Alices request he seemed to try his best to financial backing his thoughts to himself.Who is to say she couldnt live out her mortal life? I paused, chagrin obvious in my tone. I havent killed her. But I could. So easily.But you havent killed her, you even saved her life, I thought to myself, the little devil sitting on my shoulder. Not yet, I amended. The guilt was plainly splayed crosswise my face.Couldnt Carlisle tell I was scarcely clutching onto my humanity just barely by my fingertips when I was around the fragrancy-smelling seduction of Bellas blood and her enticing pulse? from each one second around her was like crawling by dint of the desert and happening upon water that was poisonous. So seductive.If being human is what you wish for her and you feel that you cant wisecrack thisthen maybe this is the time to lea ve. Carlisle offered as a choice. He byword me flinch and changed tact. I just dont want you to make a mistake by disavowing yourself your admittedly mate by keeping her human. He spoke silently to me.If you wish to keep her human, then that is your decision. We pass on not demand her death, or her transformation. Carlisle added, arduous to calm my frenzied nerves. At the same time he was permit everyone in the house know this was his final word. And they are to abide by it. No deaths, no transformations. The end. You have amazing self control. I believe that you allow make the right decision.Shock. Yes, that was the emotion I was feeling stunned, surprised, astonishedI looked up and stared at him incredulously. withal if I did decide to change her, I wouldnt have the strength to stop myself from drinking her dry. Just mentation about the luscious taste on my lips sent a rive of pleasure down my spine.How could he possibly believe that this whole accompaniment is a good i dea? Dread flowed through my frozen veins as the thought of hurting the delicate flower of a girl, Bella, entered my mind. I tried to expunge the images that Alice had embossed into my brain, for they seemed to be coming to the surface at this conversation.I wasnt the only one surprised and outraged by his responses to it all, how easily Carlisle just accepted this oddball of news like he knew it was going to happen all on.Rosalie, working on her car, had thrown a wrench down and walked forward, muttering choice swear words under her intimation. Jasper coughed something a vampire would never need to do while breaking part of the chess piece he was retention. He knew of the danger this could possibly cause us all.Then there were those two thoughts that were unsurprised, actually elated. Alice, for obvious reasons, predicted this future. She loved Bella, human or vampire. Esme, who didnt care if Bella had four fingers and crossed eyes, was smiling at me. Her thoughts were conte nt, rapturous at this news, even though a sturdier Bella, in her mind, would be the better choice.There was only one neutral thought. Next time well use your chess set, Emmett muttered to Jasper. Though, I knew if it came to sides, he would choose Rosalies. earlier I responded to Carlisles words Esmes thoughts prot unmannerlyd into my head. I wonder when I can meet her.I turned and gave Esme a withering look.Why are you guys doing this to me? Derision was obvious in my voice. If I prevail with her I inevitable to leave her alone. She needs to live a mortal life, one that I can not offer her. I could kill her. My face screwed up in pain at the word kill.Its been months, Edward. Shes still alive. You can do this, I have faith in you, Carlisle thought.My hands were trembling slightly as fear pulsed through me. Faith, I scoffed. Esme approached me swiftly and mashd me, all fear inundate from my body at her gentle touch.Carlisle approached me and Esme let go as he placed his hand on my shoulder and thought sympathetically everything go international be all right, son.It was silent for a minute, as everyone let the news sink in.So, what did you tell Bella? Carlisle asked, intrigued now. Our previous conversation was now in the distant past.Everything I was doing seemed so human lately. I sank lower into the president as if it were my only leap out after being deflated.I didnt tell her, Carlisle, she guessed. She guessed everything, even my little giving of reading mindsCarlisles thoughts were incoherent with surprise his words spiraled together and were muddled so I continued.I only filled in the blanks, which were not galore(postnominal). She is much(prenominal) more perceptive than I realized My voice trailed off and I slumped even lower into the chair. I had make so umteen mistakes.I then remembered what she had told me about her trip to First Beach.Then her little friend Jacob BlackBefore I could get another word out Carlisle already knew exactly w hat had happen.JacobBlack. Oh The Quileutes?I nodded.Oh I see. He chuckled.I never thought it would be their side to break the treaty Oh, of course, I know it couldnt have been meant like that, surely he doesnt think the stories are true. he shook is head.This house became silent, not a word or thought formed for several spiraling seconds. When the curtain of silent thoughts became louder then thoughts themselves, I finally looked up to try to interpret Carlisles face since his mind had blend in nothing more than a bewildered mental humming. The astonishment on his alabaster face was humorous.Before I could make my mouth move to ask the question I seemed to be asking more and more lately, what are you thinking, Carlisle began to chuckle at full volume. He was truly taken a back end, but this news hadnt bothered him at all. His mind was stunned into dummy up as flashes of Bella went through all from that almost tragic day with the van.I couldnt take the ever-growing silence emanat ing off the walls.What? I asked with irritation.Carlisle shot Esme a look.Go on,Esme thought while nodding to Carlisle to continue, as if he could read her thoughts. He finally spoke.How did she react?She utter, it doesnt matter what I am, my odontiasis gritted at the memory, and then my expression softened when I remembered the tears that welled up in her eyes at my reaction. another(prenominal) mistake.She wont tell anyone? he asked.No. I trust her. At my look, he accepted my answer without a doubt.Edward, this cannot be a coincidence. There is a real change happening here. Carlisle chuckled once more.Esme put her arm around Carlisle and a large grin piecemeal spread across her face. My parents were happy, excessively, even. I hadnt predicted the conversation going in this direction at all.I was given the impression that everything was happening very fast. The devil in me began saddle horse into the darkest corners of my mind, gradually dissipating as I was graceful more and more human the more familiar I became with Bella.What should I do? I know what I should do it was a matter of what I was going to do.I knew what the answer should be. I need to leave her alone. Even if I can cage the whale for the time, it is not likely I can keep him caged forever. Yes, I have my family for support, but that wont stop me from accidently hurting her. I had to leave, as Carlisle suggested.I placed my hand over my eyes and slouched even deeper in the chair. If I sunk down any lower Id fall right off of it.Then thought of her deep chocolate brownish eyes fathoming at me with tears as I said goodby made my un-beating hotness ache. The memory of her tear stained face flashed across my mind.Would she cry? If I left, would she even care? She shouldnt. I sighed. She really does embrace danger, or maybe the right word was Entice.I thought about Alices vision. I pinched the bridge of my nose at the recollection. The more I thought about it the harder it was for me to imagine being alone with her without breaking or negative her. Why did Alice put these thoughts in my head? I dont want to hurt Bella, but I dont know how much more I could takeBeing in Bellas presence with the flavour, her warmthso brave and bank not touching her was going to produce a problem. Her skin so softelectric. I started imaging her warm and cradled comfortably in my munition lightly touching her face and pulling my hands through her hair. Before I could get too deep into that daydream I had to make a decision and fast.Regardless of what my decision should be, I was a egotistic creature and refused to go. Leaving the girl isnt an option, I clear-cut. She was a danger to herself and she needed me to cherish her, I lie effortlessly.I shook my head as I ultimately determined I was still going to take her to the meadow. I entrust give her the chance to see me for who I am, I promised myself. Maybe she would finally learn how dangerous I am and run away screaming.I wo nt kill her, though. I love her. I tried to convince myself that love was enough. The love I felt for her was so bewitching it was nearly pain because I knew there were only two options left for her now.No, those wont be her only options. I will make this work. Three options. She could grow old and live out her life, but with me in tow.Only a few seconds had passed during my reprieve. Carlisle and Esme looked messinessedly at me. Their confidence in me was overwhelming. They honestly believed in me, trusted that I wouldnt hurt her. Maybe Judas did have the corner on the betrayal market.As I proverb the conviction in their faces, something deep inside of me settled. I stood up, surveyed their loving faces and the inner workings of my brain and my non-beating sprightliness finally accepted her fate. Option three.She will live, Ill look after her and she will live, I determined. As long as I was around, no one would ever harm her because I would break them limb from limb if they ev en attempted, or even if they possibly thought it. Her vampire protector. Forever.It seems I cant stay away from her. I grimaced, but deep inside I was glowing.I dont want him to stay away from her hes been a different person since she came into his life,Esme thought cheerfully.Carlisle grinned, his thoughts in sync with Esme.I sighed, but the sound wasnt as pained as originally. It was almostjoyous.Striding swiftly from the room I realized it was no time-consuming silent in the house. I could hear faint mutterings from Rosalie. nowadays I shoved her constant jeering from my mind.Deep down, Rosalies problem with Bella really was complete(a) jealousy. She hated that Bella was human because she wanted to be human. But I thought her warm, trusting humanness was Bellas best quality.EdwardAlice bellowed from her head while editping up the stairs towards me.The cloudy, blurry vision from earlier today was at a time can. No longer did she see Bellas lifeless form lying in the bracke n of the woodland floor. My eyes no longer glowed that ominous red.When she reached me at the top of the stairs she grinned widely while lots jumping on me to wrap her petite arms around my cut.Thank you, Edward Alice was jubilant.I nodded and returned her hug, releasing her quickly because I was on a mission.Have fun at Bellas. I suppose you wont tell her hi for me, will you?For the first time since I entered the house this afternoon, my lips twitched up into a grinning, completely opposite from my previous grimace. My stomach was doing back flips at the thought of being with her again.I couldnt stand being away from her any longer.I dashed through the forest towards her house as if somebody was lighting a fire beneath my feet. As I took off I heard faded thoughts from Alice.I wonder what happened to change the vision? I hope Edward starts letting me hang out with her. Just two more daysShe was counting down. Then I saw images of her dressing a blushing Bella up and playing wi th her hair like she was a doll.I rolled my eyes, but this instant craved for this to come true.I was sitting in the rocking chair in Bellas room. Her warm delicious scent was swirling around me and I was sucking it slowly into my lungs with each breath. I was willing myself to stay away from her. A feat much harder than one would realize.Tonight, she was not quiescency soundly. I watched as she tangled herself into the mantelpieces early on in the evening.I stood. Realizing I was unable to help oneself her, I sat. The chair was my prison, holding me in my seat. She was the dessert across the table from a chela who had to eat broccoli. The temptation would never go away, yet each second I grew stronger against my will to rush over and hold her. I couldnt consent to myself to do something so foolish. It was about her now. What she wants, what she needs. I had to toss my selfishness away as best I could, even though my presence was selfish enough.She tossed again. I got up once more, my hands reaching out like I could help. My touch was too coldwrong. I seated myself back into my prison.I sighed. With the quick intake of air the burning persisted in my dry throat. Each breath brought me pleasure and torture. Mainly torture, though her scent reminded me of how alive she is.Edward she mumbled in her sleep.This was not the first time this evening that she murmured my name in her sweet magical voice. Each sound or movement was watched by me as she continued to tangle herself in the sheets.I couldnt help but worry that she wasnt having a good dream. I was a giant star after all.She woke a few times in the night, startled from her dream ?C or nightmare ?C but I was stealthy enough to hide. She never caught me but I wondered what she would think if she did. Would she finally scream? Would she shriek at the sight of the peeping tom that I had become? Would she turn her deep see towards me and beg me to leave and never come back?Anguish unrelenting over me at th e thought. This must be why I continued to hide every time I saw her eyes flutter.She tossed again, holding her pillow tightly while a small sigh take flight her lips.Edwardmmmmm.Once again my heart leapt at the sound of my name on her breath.As the night progressed she settled into a deeper sleep, finally calm and unmoving. In the earlier hours of the morning I saw her shudder and watched as goofball bumps arose on her skin.Without thought I was standing, walkway over to her, aptness down, hand out stretched in the beginning my mind finally caught up with my actions. Indecision was deep in my thoughts.Another breath.More fiery thirst.I wasnt sure if it was the monster or my protective side, but without thinking I reached out to move her blanket to cover her. As I slowly moved the blanket over her I accidently touched her arm. Or was it an accident?It was if a million little electrodes sent pleasant shocks down my spine. I closed me eyes to take in her aroma.She was softwarm.I quickly held my breath but realized that if I were going to stay with her that I had to overcome my thirst, my ever growing desire to crush her to my body and dig my teeth deep into her neck.Another breath.My mouth was instantly full of venom. The monster inside of me was clawing at my chest bones, trying to break free of my body and drink the most delicious blood that ever existed. I grabbed at my chest trying to push the monster back in when suddenly I felt something vibrate. It was my phone.Alice. I swallowed the pool of venom pouring into my mouth.Leaping out of her window I answered the phone. I opened my mouth to speak but before I could say hello Alice began pleading in her bell voice.Edward PleaseMy hand automatically met the bridge of my nose. She was my favorite and the most irritating of my family.She continued without pause.I keep getting flashes of you killing Bella If you kill her I will be very upset. I havent even had the opportunity to talk to her, her voice was p etulant.I gritted my teeth and breathed in the light morning air around me. The fresh air absolveded my head making the monster retreat. How had I let things get out of hand? Why did I have to put my hand in the cookie jar?Alice, I breathed.She interjected.Please, just be careful, Edward Your future has been changing erraticallyI never know what is going to happen with you anymore. I could almost hear her pout.I sighed because she was right. The easy flow of my future had taken a wild spin and even I couldnt tell her what my plans were from day to day anymore.I wont hurt her, Alice, I said with chagrin.You better not It was a command. Ill see you soon. She hung up the phone.I groaned. Was I really that close? I didnt think I was. Looking back up at her window I decided it was okay for me to check on her ?C just one more time ?C tonight.Her small chest was moving up and down evenly along with her steady breath. She was still sound asleep. Safe. Her protector kept her free from dange r.But didnt protect her from himself, I growled internally. I was going to have to work on that.The light of a new day began to peak over the tops of the trees, sending blue tints across the grey clouds that accompanied the sky.My mind was racing around with what this new day would bring me as I was soaring through the forest at a vehement velocity back towards home. The questions I would ask herthe responses I would receive. To just douse in and understand her mind, to know what she was thinking.My thirst instantly became secondary to her knowing mind. My curiosity was aching like a thirst.Thirst, I thought warily.I needed to hunt. I needed more blood to help bring down the intense sensations that came over when I was around Bella. Id do it now, while I was out ?C one more time ?C just in case it wasnt true after all, that my ravenous desire to have her was second to her.I closed my eyes, letting my nose take over.Deer, I groaned. Ugh.I still raced towards it and quenched my eve r burning throat, letting the warm blood soak into my dry and frozen throat. Gluttonous. That is what I had become. If I shook myself you might even hear the blood slosh around in me.But, there was no blood that would ease this achethis hollow yearning. I pushed the animal off of me with disgust and realized my need for a squander and fresh clothes.When I arrived at home I ran into Rosalie in the garage.Great, I thought. Exactly what I need.You know this is going to cause problems, Edward, she hissed my name.Not now, Rosalie. I growled back.You are so self-centered, havent you thought about what this will do to our family? she bit back at me.Of course I had thought about it. Wasnt it obvious that it was eating at me, every second of every day? It was only earlier that I admitted my betrayal.She must be bored ?C this stemma was getting old.Rosalie, go jump off a cliff, I snapped back at her, not like that would do much to her maybe browbeat her hair and clothes that should piss h er off.I chuckled at my internal thought.Ignoring her jibes and muttering I continued to walk inside. Everyone else was pointedly ignoring me. It was apparent that they were all acting busy. I saw through the pretense but I was sticking out(p) they were difference me alone.I was swiftly dressed and back at Bellas before Charlie left, parking my car around the block so it would be out of sight. I raced towards her house, hoping to hear something new today.Lurking in the shadows outside her house, the feeling of being a stalker came over me again. Was this how I would forever live my life ?C being a crazy vampire stalker? detective work the tail end of their conversation I reprimanded myself for letting Rosalie distract me, pickings away a considerable amount of my time. My stalking time, I laughed mirthlessly at myself.Feeling a little belligerence because I failed to get back before her thoughts were being spoken, I listened with more effort.eavesdropping on their conversation mor e tentatively.Im not going to the dance, Dad. I heard the stubbornness in Bellas tone as I imagined her vulnerable face creasing with anger. Her kitten anger.I chuckled.Today seemed to be a mostly silent thought day for Charlie, but the tenor of his mind was still leaking out. Fear raged through him at the possibility that none of the boys liked her at work. What was wrong with his daughter? These thoughts were more pointless than he realized. If only he knew what all the males at drill thought about herEven worse what she liked a vampire.Didnt anyone ask you? Charlie asked, concerned.Its a girls choice. Bellas voice was exultant with smugness.I could almost hear the cheer in her voice as she realized she won this argument. Once again I imagined her face her chin jutting out, her lips pursing.Another chuckle.Oh, how light my heart felt every second I was around her.Oh. Charlie huffed, disappointed.His thoughts turned a different direction while he contemplated why she didnt like anyone at school.She did like someone thoughme. My heart leapt, my desires raced, my body ached to hold her. Enough, I ordered. Hadnt I gone too far already today?The clattering of dishes rang out into the yard before Charlie emerged from the house. I watched as he waved, saying goodbye to Bella. I raced towards my car.As soon as Charlie drove off I was in the passage waiting for her, anxious that one day she will walk out of the house, see me waiting for her and then will deny me her company.It pained me to think like this but I was still not completely sure of her feelings. Her hidden thoughts make things more interesting, I sighed, but they likewise drive me insane.Bella came out of the house with a slight skip in her step as she turned around to lock the door, leaving the main dead bolt open uped. I noticed everything about her, even the inconsequential.As I watched her carefully, I almost exited the car to give her a hand, worried she might fall at her rate but she slowed when she saw the silver Volvo waiting for her in the drive. I felt a quick sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Well, I should remain in the car she obviously was considering her options at this point.More pain, my burning desire feared to be extinguished.She continued her unhurried pace in my direction. What was she thinking? Did she not want to ride with me today?She stopped with her hand on the door, wavering. Aggravation flooded me in waves Id never felt before, not at Bella, but the fact that I didnt know what she was thinking. I tried to probe her mind once again, and reached a solid and impermeable wall.My light mood quickly faded at my new fear.Her hand reached out to grab the sell. I exhaled heavily at the relief that now flooded me.Finally, she decided to ride with me, I hoped, considering she was now opening the door. Her head ducked under the roof of the car and I greeted her with a smile while I waited for her scent to assault me.She finally sat in the passenger s eat and shut the door, sending a hot wave of freesia in my direction.Daggers, white hot knivesburning. I took in a large breath, closing my eyes.Her scent did exactly what I expected. The warmth of her body and her pulse emitted the loveliest smell and the scent wrapped around me as it scorched down my throat. I opened my eyes to see the particles of air swirling around me that were now doused with her aroma.My eyes finally met hers.Good Morning, I said after swallowing my thirst. How are you today?How was she? What were her dreams about? Did she miss me? There were measureless quantities of things I wanted to inquire about. My questions distracted me from my thirst more than anything else.I suppressed a sigh.Good, thank you, she smiled.Smiling, that was good. I surveyed her face and could tell she didnt sleep well because she had large circles under her eyes. And I stayed in her room all night as she tossed in her sleep, I added mentally. No need to inform her of my nightly visits , though.Once again I became frustrated because I couldnt hear her knowing mind. What kept her up at night? What made her toss and turn and say my name? It never appeared like she was having a nightmare, or maybe I was just trying to convince myself of this. What else could possibly be making her so restless if not scary monsters that actually exist?Maybe I was just fooling myself.You look tired, I pointed out to continue her talking.I took in another breath and was instantly intoxicate by her scent. My mouth watered, I was nearly salivating.No mistakes, I ordered.I couldnt sleep. She looked like she was confessing to something and then hid understructure her curtain of hair. sustain it light.Neither could I, I teased as I turned the key to start the engine.She laughed and the sound was harmonious.I guess thats right. I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did.I wager you did, I returned her smile relieved the conversation was going so well.Another ?C deeper ?C breath s oared down my throat this time and I bit down hard on my cheek. The tantalizing smell was luxurious, dreadedly pleasurablea rich profusion, opulent. The elaborate mix of her enticing scent was the only thing I ever wanted to breathe in, though, at the same time I craved the fresh air outsidejust to clear my mind. I could literally stick my tongue out and taste her on the air it was so saturated with her aroma.Oh, who cares about the pain, she was here with me and that was all I wanted, I told myself.No mistakesI took in a few more gulps of air while the monster clawed angrily at my throat. He was so close to the edge that I was using all my concentration now to fight him back.So what did you do last night? she asked, intrigued.She instantly scared the monster back into the darkness with just the sound of her voice.Shes ablebut not clever enough, it was my turn to ask the questions ?C as I had made clear the day before. There were so many questions that were left unanswered and I h ad to know.A smile broke across my face and I chuckled.Not a chance. Its my day to ask questions, I said enthusiastically.Oh, thats right. What do you want to know? her forehead creased.What was going on in her mind? She looked worried and I almost reached out to press my finger in between her eyebrows to smooth out the worry lines.Keep it simple, light.Whats your favorite colourize?That was simple enough.She rolled her eyes.Maybe too simple.It changes from day to day, she smiled.I knew I was going to have to drag everything out of her, no surprise there.Whats your favorite simulation today? I asked gruffly.Probably brown, she said, feeling down at her brown shirt.Really? I had to stop myself from snorting and instantly dropped my serious gaze, the pretense no longer needed.Brown? I asked skeptically.Sure. Brown is warm. I miss brown. Everything thats supposed to be brown ?C tree trunks, rocks, dirt ?C is all covered up with muddy green stuff here, she complained.At her answer, I was able to add another thing to my list she was self-effacing. She wasnt easily led by other people, choosing her color because of what she liked, not what the populace agreed upon.Suddenly I remembered her muttering, Its too green, when she was sleeping one evening and tried not to chuckle aloud.Youre right, I decided, kindling racing through me at all the thoughts I would unlock today. Even learning this little thing about her made me reel with glee.Okay, back to business. I was abruptly serious again.Brown is warm.Brown was in fact one of my favorite colors, too. I dont know why it took me so long to become aware of this her deep brown eyes and long brown hair. I hesitated for an instant, not wanting to spoil the moment, but feelings I had never felt before I met Bella were surfacing.My hand twitched, wanting to reach over and pull her hair from her face, so I could see the beauty that lied beneath. To just lift her chin slightly, turning it in my direction so I could try to read the deep depths of her eyes Enough.It would be wrong for me to do it, to place her warm face in my cold hands. The warmth. If I just slightly raised her chin, I could meet her half wayplace my lips to hers.Enough, I ordered again, but it was too late. My hand was out stretched, reaching towards her as I pulled her hair behind her shoulder, gently. Some of the lose strands spilled over my hand. EnoughI dropped my hand instantly.No mistakesI could feel the warmth coming off of her skin, her fragrance was enveloping, and her hair was soft like silk. My urge to press my cold hard lips to her delicate soft ones had not evaded me.Stop there, I scolded myself. No more errors. You mustnt be so selfish, I reprimanded.We pulled into the school parking lot but this didnt mean that my questioning was overthat my desires were gone.Keep it light, I reminded myself.What music is in your CD faker right now? I asked.She thought for a moment, her eyes un-focusing, looking up.Linkin Park. Her e yes met mine again.Hum, interesting choice. I reached into a compartment under my CD player and after rummaging through the debris I pulled out the same exact CD.Debussy to this? I raised an eyebrow.She just grinned at me. It was infectious. I returned her smile.It was time for school to start and we had to part ship canal. Luckily I could locate her no matter where she was, jumping from mind to mind. I was listing questions to ask her while I waited for the hours away from her to pass. Purgatory had now become a small slice of heaven. watching her interact with other humans only added more questions to my ever growing list. I wanted to know everything about her. Was her responses what she was really thinking or was she replying with what they wanted to hear?My list grew. I made sure to meet up with her in between every class and stroll along side her while she talked absorbing the reading like a serpent soaks up the heat from the sun.During our short walks I was able to unleash s ome of the questions from my ever growing list. Her every expression, body language, and replies were all-encompassing and intriguing. I was gradually learning each of her little quirks and thoughts.As I continued to unlock the mystery that was Isabella Swan, I learned something new. She wasnt just good she was virtuous to a higher place me. I looked at the crowd in the hallway. Above them all.The day when I could question her nonstop had finally arrived and I was entirely full of a bright glowing light. As each moment passed I was deeply afraid she would realize I was below her, insignificant compared to her greatness.She still ate with me at lunch, or she ate, I questioned. Sometimes, I got so excited with the information being spilled from her that I began spitting out the questions so fast that she was almost breathless trying to respond to them all. It was hard to control myself.It was like someone switched on the computer and I was accessing her hard drive, absorbing the knowl edge of her mind that she kept locked up nice and secure.Then, something miraculous happened. Or, by my standards it was miraculous. Because who could possibly like a vampire? During our questioning I asked her what her favorite gemstone was and she blurted out topaz immediately and then her skin turned an appetizing color of red. Automatically, I breathed in a gluttonous amount of air and sighed. Why was she blushing? I begged her to enlighten me as to why she was discomfit by her answer.Tell me, I begged.Its the color of your eyes today, she sighed and I watched her look down while the blush on her cheeks became a brilliant red again.She loved me, too. Like I said ?C a miracle. Another thing to add to my list she was passionate. Joy rushed me almost flipping me over my seat at the feelings of deep affection that warmed me, almost making me feel human. Almost.I suddenly thanked whatever force brought her to me.And then, surprising me even more, she elaborated on her answer.I suppo se if you ask me in two weeks Id say onyx. Her face turned even a darker shade of pink. I ignored the thirst, easily wiping it away like a bug on my windscreen.Was she finally opening up? I could feel the spring in my step, the instant craving to bound over the table and bring her into my armsto kiss her warm lips.She gave me a face like she was bracing for something.Was she waiting for the fury that radiated off of me when I realized how engrossed she was with a vampire and the fact that she just didnt care? Id forever hate myself for my poor reactions in Port Angelesfor making her cry.When the lunch break was over we walked to Biology class. I wanted to reach out and seize her handher warm ?C inviting ?C hand looked very welcoming to my own. She was next to me but I was feeling detached, like our fingers should forever be interlocked.Stop it, I thought. No mistakes. And holding her would be a mistake.We would be continuing the ikon in Biology class today which I wasnt thrilled a bout. Yesterday the electricity in the room was encompassing us. I wasnt sure I would be able to not touch her while she sat so close to me in the dark room where the electricity flowed freely between us. Each little zing practically making me automatically reach out towards her.We took our seats beside each other and I knew the warm room would soon fill with Bellas scent. The heater turned on and I was waiting to embrace it, to bring it deeper into my lungs so I could revel in the delicious scent, let it intoxicate me. Ive never been drunk, but if I had to guess, Id say her scent made me quite tipsy.Every moment that passed by when I was with Bella was the most painful and pleasant. Though the fire I felt in my throat didnt dissipate, her aroma was something I continued to embrace. Over time her scent had become less over powering which helped the monster stay securely caged in my chest. Or maybe being around her all the time helped? Had my constant presence in her life helped to make the thirst dissipate? Each moment, the thirst was becoming more manageable with my familiarity with her scent.The lights dimmed for the movie and I moved my chair a little farther away from hers this time. I saw her eye my movement with sadness, but it was better if I dont entice my senses too much, even though the space didnt matter much to these new feelings I had.The need to reach out and hold her hand, or maybe put my arm around her was nearly overwhelming.No mistakes, I fought internally.She would probably be repulsed by how cold my skin is. She would feel the hardness of my body and maybe then she would realize the monster I am. Would she be terrified then?No matter how far away I moved from Bella in this warm little room I could sense her and feel the current in the air around us. I watched her as she leaned forward, folding her arms on the desk and resting her chin on them. Not once did I look away from Bella. I watched as she twitched occasionally and wondered what was bothering her.Did she want to touch me too?If she did, it would only make it that much more difficult for me to not give her what she wants ?C to bring her into my arms and hold her securely to my chest like I did the day I saved her from the van.Hah He moved away from her. mike sneered in our direction. Guess things arent going so well in Cullen land after all.This enraged me beyond belief and made it that much more difficult to keep my hands off Bella. I wanted to protect her from his thoughts I wanted to show him that she was mine. But again, I had to remind myself of what a horrible mistake I was about to make as my arm twitched in her direction.I folded my arms securely across my chest attempting to keep the monster caged and trying to hold my hands at bay. If I were not a vampire, I would have crushed my own bones from miscegenation my arms so tightly. I was trying to hold back my other desires, now, as they burned and begged for me to just reach over and grab her up into m y arms. The fantasy was beginning to spin wildly out of control.EnoughWhen the movie was over I saw her sit up. She was gripping the desk so hard that I saw her fingers go from white to pink as the blood rushed back into them. I watched as the blood swirled under her clear skin. I was internally assay, trying not to caress her, hoping she hadnt hurt herself by her deathly grip on the desk.The class was dismissed and I stood up and waited for her to get to her feet. I grabbed her books and walked her to gym. What was she thinking now? The questions burning inside me were not the questions I was going to raise today.Do you love me too? came to mind. I sighed as my curiosity was beginning to burn as hot as the thirst in my throat.As I was walking with her I was armed combat the urge to reach out and hold her hand, again. The urge was becoming unbearable. My thirst was now second to my new desires.I was walking at her pace hoping I could convince myself that all of my cravings had to take a backseat to Bellas needs. She is so unaccented and breakable. The internal conflict was becoming regular.When we finally reached the gym I still hadnt completely made up my mind. I was totally and utterly unsettled of my path. When she turned to look at me with her deep communicative eyes any commitment I had crumbled to pieces.She looked so glorious that my arm was raised, hand out, and hugging her face from her temple down to her jaw without my consent. A deep flak brought new sensations down my spine. A tingling feeling rushed through my veins, entering my heart, expanding it with just the thought of my affection. As soon as I realized what I was doing I dropped my hand, turned around and staggered away.Any affinity of my good nature persona was probably crushed at my rude goodbye. Heck, I didnt even say goodbye.What in the world were you thinking? I thought angrily at myself. She didnt seem to mind though. She might have even leaned a little into my touch, the devili sh side of me thought.Wow, her instincts were backwards. Who would want to be touched by something so cold?As I was walking I started peeking into peoples minds in her gym class. After what happened last time in gym class I had to admit I was slightly anxious that she might injure herself again. To imagine her warmth dissipating nearly crippled me.I wanted to stay out of Mikes mind but he was continuously paying so much attention to Bella. As much as I hated him, I appreciated him for always paying attention, but loathed him for unlocking some of her secrets before I did.Reaching class I sat next to Emmett.I really hate Cullen, he is such a freak. Mike was thinking in irritation. What does she see in him? Hes such a tool. Mike thought scathingly while playing badminton. Well, things did seem a little cool between them in Biology.At his thoughts I almost shot out of my seat in anger. He was mentally envision fighting with me and winning Bellas affections. Suddenly, the thought of t his feeble human trying to fight me was comical and I was trying very hard to suppress laughter.Emmett stared at me as he watched the many expressions flicker across my face. I ignored him because I was busy watching Bella in gym.Mike and Bella didnt speak, and I had to admit it was rather delightful to see him sweat over it. I really didnt like the way he thought about her, or the way he fantasized about being with her. I started to imagine all the ways I could torture him. I smiled at the wistful thought but I needed to banish that idea from my mind quickly before that daydream got too out of control.What is so funny? Emmett was staring at me, smiling.It was clear he wanted to know what was going on by his raised eyebrow, no mind reading necessary. I knew he was having a hard time with my situation with Bella. It wasnt because he cared, it was because of Rosalie. She was being difficult. If anything, he was having an pleasant time with the situation minus Rosalie. Emmett was lear ning to love humans because he thought they were so hilarious.I grinned at him and whispered too low for human ears to hear.Mike is thinking of fighting me, I chuckled low.Emmetts eyes grew tight as his smile widened. Now he was trying to stifle a laugh. Emmett always loved a fight, but that one would be too easy.We could just put him in a room with Rosalie. She has been very stiff lately, Emmett couldnt stop from express emotion this time.He pictured Rosalie in a room with Mike. In this image, Mike was pathetically trying to fight off a very powerful and pissed off Rosalie. Mike wouldnt stand a chance. I grinned widely at the thought, another chuckle escaping my lips.Ms. Goff looked for the culprit of the laughing and passed over us quickly. Just like the other teachers, they all thought us to be perfect students.Who is interrupting my class? What could possibly be so funny? She thought angrily.I arrived outside the gym before Bella had exited, practically bouncing on the balls o f my feet. My desires started flaring up again when she finally walked through the doors and her eyes met mine. A smile crept up her elegant face. She was happy to see me, too.I dont deserve her.I couldnt help but smile back. It was all I could do to not grab her up into my arms and hug her.No mistakes. Especially after the one I made before her gym class.Her scent enveloped me, and the monster reared up, but the desire to hold her over powered the monster and he was pushed into the dark again. Just another bore bug on my windshield. My body was taking charge without my permission when it came to getting what I desired most with Bella.To preoccupy my time I decided to start my questioning again.I drove her to her house while unlocking the mysteries of her mind the whole all way there. I parked in her driveway while our conversation continued. We were so engrossed in our exchange that Bella didnt seem to notice we had stopped.After sitting in the car for quite some time I noticed t hat she never tried to exit. I was cleanse in her aroma and letting the hollow yearn in my stomach and the dry dull ache of my throat remind myself of the monster that I am.I started asking her questions about her past and I became instantly terrified. Did I really want to know what was lurking in her past? Was there another boy? Someone she had to leave behind? Someone who could hold her, embrace her, care for her without having the desire to drink her dry of life? The fear behind this thought nearly crippled me so I decided I would ask her later about previous boys she dated.Skipping over the subject I asked her why she loved Arizona. She explained it to me in great contingent, excited to answer this one. The way she talked about the place was almost like she loved it, just like I loved her. She used her hands to describe things. It was like I unlocked her voice box. Her thoughts were finally being freed from her mind.When she was done answering I already had another question in mind. I asked her what her room was like and she began telling me about it in detail. Of course I already knew exactly what it looked like dotted with shoes, tangles of covers on her bed, closet lacking jumbles of clothes, piles of books and an old computer that at first glance you wouldnt think would work. I couldnt help myself. I had to be near her and asking the inconsequential seemed to be the best way. I felt so alone without her around.When did she become my life? How did she become my life?Are you finished? she asked with relief in her voice when I didnt spit out another query.Finished? Not even close ?C your father will be home soon. It was more of a reminder for me, not for her.She looked out the window quickly like she was wonder where the sun went.How late is it? she asked, a little panic in her voice.She glanced at the clock and surprise crossed her face.Its twilight, I answered.I looked out the windshield and realized another day was over.Its the safest time of day for us. The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way the end of another day, the return of the night. ugliness is so predictable, dont you think? I grinned at her, trying to remind myself to keep it light.I like the night she announced. Without the dark we would never see the stars, she frowned and looked out the window. Not that you see them here much, she finished sarcastically.Her tone caught me off view as and I laughed.Crap, her father. I heard Charlie a few streets away.Charlie will be here in a few minutes. So, unless you want to tell him you will be with me Saturday I raised an eyebrow teasingly.I wanted her to tell him because it would give me a reason to bring her back. It would keep my new desires in checkmy thirst, my ever growing need to kidnap her and never bring her home again.Thanks but no thanks, she replied airily. There she went again, embracing danger.She began fabrication her books, looking a little uncomfortable. Did I say something wrong? Was it the look o n my face?She turned and looked at me.So, is it my turn tomorrow, then? she asked.She still wanted to see me tomorrow I rejoiced.Certainly not I said in mock rage.It felt so good to be light and teasing around her. She made my skin sing.What more is there? she said, perplexed.There was everything more. I wanted to know everything about this girl, every detail of her life.Youll find out tomorrow. I teased.I reached across her ?C before thinking about it ?C to open her door. Her warmth washed over me and it took every bit of my brain to concentrate on not leaning over and letting my desires take control. I heard her heart start to beat rapidly. It skipped a few beats and I felt her breath on me. I achedI yearned for her.No mistakesHow much could I take before I did something I regretted?A thought startled me back into reality.I hope Charlie is home. Im ready to watch the game. It sure has been a while since Ive seen him, hope hes not still mad at me.I froze with my hand on the door ha ndle.Not good, I muttered.I clenched my teeth together it was Billy Black.What is it? She stared at me trying to read my face.Well, I knew I was going to have to let her out of the car eventually, but not while the Blacks were here. I wanted to take her and run. What other kind of stories could they fill her mind with?Another complication. I said glumly.I grabbed the door handle and pushed it open. The air outside blew swiftly into the car and brought her scent with it. I was instantly ravenous and moved quickly away from her, trying to shove the monster back in my chest with the movement.Stay Bella I wanted to beg but she really did need to just leave me alone. I knew I wouldnt let her leave me alone though, not after discovering that she was the most dumfounding creature I had ever known. I suppressed a sigh as the Blacks headlights flashed across her gorgeous face.Charlies around the corner, I warned her.She got out at once. Sheets of rain were pelting down on my windshield. Odd, I didnt notice it was rain down until she opened the door. I could see her squinting through it towards the Blacks car. She must not know who it is. I stared right through the headlights seeing very clearly. I could hear Jacob Blacks thoughts now and he was irritating me immediately.Oh, its Bella I wonder if there is something wrong with her truck. I should take a look at it, maybe make something up that would take me a long time to fix so I could spend more time with her. Man, she is so pretty. I wonder what she thinks of meWho is that? He stared in my direction but he didnt have intercourse me.I had to get out of there. I squealed my tires and drove away more quickly than necessary. As I drove away I was struggling with myself about spying on her some more. Would the Blacks convince her to stay away from me? I was not oblivious to Billys thoughts, I had heard his opinion many times in the past and he loathed me.But Bella was still alive, and she was still with me. She said it d idnt matter to her that I was a vampire. I wonder what it will finally be, the thing that scares her away, I pondered. The thoughts of leaving her alone started to become fewer and farther between.What was her fate now? I was still worried about our trip to the meadow. I remembered Alices vision before my resolve but they are so skewed that they could change the instant I decide to take a bite.Would I kill her? Would I take her into my arms, press my lips to her neck and sink my teeth into her, making her an immortal? I couldnt even imagine being able to stop.Would I ask Carlisle?No, she didnt deserve my fate. I would never take her soul.